Full term

Well...I've made it to 37 weeks and its astounding that I am here. By this time, woman are considered full-term, which means this baby's organs should be fully developed and ready for the outside world. So look out world, this baby is getting ready to arrive!

My baby belly with my newest niece hanging out!

The anxiety is building...I am excited and scared and happy all at the same time. Most of all, I am beyond grateful. I can honestly say that a moment has not passed during this entire pregnancy that I have not felt grateful. It's the one constant. I know the hard choices women make going through infertility  I've seen it first hand with my friends. I haven't had to go beyond one IVF and that makes me beyond grateful. I am humbled. I will never look at pregnancy, children, parenthood or infertility the way I did before we ventured into this territory more than five years ago. I will never forget what I have learned about myself, the strength of the amazing women I know and how inspired I will always be by all of them!

Today when I hit 37 weeks, I sent a text to my hubs letting him know that our baby is the size of a Swiss chard. I asked him if he ever thought we would get to this place? I think he is going to miss my big belly.

I haven't written in so long...time really flew by. I had the most amazing baby shower that was so filled with love and goodness that I want to relive it all of the time. It was one of the best days I've had. The generosity of my family and friends was astounding and just how much it meant was beyond words.

I hope to pass all that goodness onto to my next friend who is expecting a baby!

As for now, I am totally focused on the birth. It will be at home where we will be surrounded by women who have supported our birth plan from day one and have been wonderful - my midwife and doula. I am working hard on my hypnosis...and am feeling confident about it. Hypnobabies was one the best choices we made along the way of having a natural childbirth.

Our classes were taught by the amazing Lesley Levine from Hypnobliss Birth. I cannot wait to put it all into action!

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

And October 15 is a special day...it is a day to remember, to love, to cherish. It is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

The day is observed with remembrance ceremonies and candle-lighting vigils, concluding with the International Wave of Light, a worldwide lighting of candles at 7:00 p.m. (in all time zones). Even if you have not experienced this type of loss first hand, I am sure you know someone who has.

So light a candle for all of those angels and their loving parents!

If you have children, hold them a little closer and let your gratitute for those miracles fill you up and spillover to others. If you have experienced loss, know you are strong and your angels are watching over you. xxoo

The birth plan...diving on in

I have been planning this for years and it's so great to see it all coming together!! I always wanted to go with a midwife and try my best for an au-naturel birth. So that is our plan and we are sticking to it.

My nephew was born at home with a midwife and as my sister-in-law tells it, it was a wonderful and amazing experience that trumped her previous two births in a hospital setting. I wrote about that almost two years ago on this blog and also about the documentary, The Business of Being Born, check it out if you haven't already. You can read that post here.

The hubby and I were all set to do a waterbirth at a hospital with our midwife but the more we talked about it the more we wanted to do it at home. So we changed the plans and Baby C will be delivered in my living room, or bedroom :) We will get a big tub/pool and do it all at home. I am super psyched!!!

I actually feel like a weight has been lifted. I won't have to stress about when to go to the hospital and mess up the good flow I will have at home with my doula. I am also excited about my doula...we all clicked when we met with her. We knew she was the one.

Water has long been used to ease the discomforts of labor and by using a midwife where you are not strapped to a bed and hooked up to machines and can walk around and eat, etc, women can tune into what their bodies need and allow the powerful birthing energies to flow, while keeping the non-productive stress hormones to a minimum.

Waterbirths allow a woman to dialite more quickly, which can result in a shorter labor.


By using a midwife, the C-section rate is drastically reduced as well as rates of episiotomy and the need for interventions.

I am under no illusion that this will be a painless experience but I am confident that doing it this way is the best way for me. Our bodies are made for this and there is no way I wanted to be rushed during this process and have a doctor push induction or a C-section just so they can get home faster. I am confident that my body knows what to do and how.

The hubby and I are also taking a hypnobabies class starting in Sept -- it's hypnosis for childbirth.

There are two hypnosis-style birthing classes. One is the traditional hypnobirthing and the other is hypnobabies, which uses hypnobirthing techniques and tweaks it into a more comprehensive class. I decided on that one and am pumped to start the classes.

20 weeks and counting...and shout out to Dr. T & Sher Institute

We have made it to the half-way point. It is just incredible. 20 weeks!! Whoo-hooo!!

I doubted so many times that I would ever get to this place in my life and I take none of it for granted. I know I say that over and over again but I truly truly know how lucky I am to be experiencing all of this.

I still ache for the women I know who are still on a journey and those who are facing extremely hard pregnancies with tough decisions to make that no one should ever have to. My heart goes out to all of them.

But I am also basking in the joy of getting to 20 weeks and seeing our baby growing up (in the womb) and making it all real....here is Baby C at 20 weeks!! Look at those lips :)

I cannot wait to meet this baby! I feel him/her kick all of the time and although sometimes it seems alien-like, it is way cool.

Another thing that happened this week is we officially graduated from the fertility doctor. Since part of my treatment involved intralipids (IVs up until 20 weeks of pregnancy) I was still going to see all the awesome peeps at Sher Institute in NYC. I was excited to get the last of the IVs over with and to say "a bientot" to Dr. T. It's just a "see-ya" later...not a goodbye. I will visit again and always look forward to seeing all those smiling faces.

I am a cheerleader for Dr. T, so if anyone ever asks, I will always recommend him. Several women in my inferility support group are also patients of his (or will be soon). So far, two of us who have done IVFs with him have been successful and I know there are more to come!!! Here is the best thing about Sher Institite and Dr. T -- it is not a factory where you are treated with the same protocol as every other patient who walks through the door. It is indiviualized and well worth it to make the trip into the city if you are not already living there.

I had such a great experience there from my first visit until my last IV appt. It was seamless and easy and wonderful. I couldn't have asked for a better experience. So thank you, Dr. T, Voula, Jocelyn, Jackie, Frances, Sylvia, Michelle, Yari and Jessica!!! You all rock!!





Dr Tortoriello and another one of his miracles!







Yari and Michelle always smiling at the front desk!





Frances and Jackie...such sweeties!!



Six down...two to go

I feel like I am hitting some milestones all the time and it just makes me smile!

As I type this (with just my left hand on an IPhone) I am sitting at Sher in NYC getting my intralipid on and I am 12 weeks along today!! Whooo-hooo!

I've done six of these IV intralipid therapies already (two before I got pregnant) and the rest after. Each one takes about 2 hours.

This treatment is one of the main reasons I found Sher and am a patient here today! The other REs I went to wouldn't even discuss immune issues as a possibility.

I tested positive for high Natural Killer cells, which is an immune disorder that keeps an embryo from attaching to the uterus.

Up until that point I was just "unexplained" with no direction. Being able to get tested and treated for this was a relief.

If you want to read more about immunological disorders and infertility, check out this article by Dr. Sher.

IVIG & Intralipid Therapy in IVF: Interpreting Natural Killer Cell Activity for Diagnosis and Treatment

http://haveababy.com/fertility-information/ivf-authority/ivig-intralipid-therapy-in-ivf/

If you can attend an informational event in your area about this issue, go and ask lots of questions!!

Na Na Na Na Hey Hey Hey Goodbye...

I said adiós to my progesterone shots on Sunday. I won't go into the loathing and all that...I am looking ahead to days where I won't have a black and blue bum :)

The last one didn't even hurt in the least. I barely felt it...maybe it was mind over matter :) Well I am glad that finally kicked in on the last one.

It feels freeing to be done with the injections and the suppositories as well. It's also a milestone...I am more than 10 weeks along and am really starting to have to accept this...realize this is REAL, and the IVF worked.

I remember during my sister-in-law's third pregnancy a couple of years ago I was sitting with her at my in-law's house and felt her belly and my little nephew kicking. It brought tears to my eyes and I worried that I would never get to that place and get to experience that.

I know full well how lucky I am at this moment.

It is strange being on this "side" in a way, you are leaving behind (sort of) this world of infertility that you became accustomed to...one that you wore like a badge/weight/armour/with sadness/with hope. I am still part of this "sisterhood" and I have many sisters who are still on this journey.

I want so so bad to pull them to side and make all the worry and pain go away. I wish I could fix all of their problems.

What I can do is let them know I am here for them 100%, I will pick them up when they fall, I will listen to their pain and sadness and worry and venting at any time. I am also here to offer hope that YOU CAN DO THIS! You can get through it and make your dreams come true.

Hand it over to your higher power...they make things happen, they give you faith, they take the weight off of your back. I want to say to all my "Panera Girls" that you are in my thoughts and prayers everyday and that we are all on this journey together!!

If you reading this and feel alone and that you have no one else to talk to, one of the best decisions I ever made was to find a support group of women who were dealing with the same struggle I was. I can't stress it enough how much it helps!

The National Infertility Association, Resolve, can help you find a group in your area. Check it out here.

Lucky bracelets...

My mom makes the coolest jewelry and when she made me a chakra bracelet, I never took it off. It was a multi-color one that covered all of the chakras from my root to my crown. Then I wanted to target one area...and you know what it is....my navel/sacral chakra that covers fertility. It's orange and I wore that one all of the time too.

It was a reminder to keep going, be positive, not give up and it had good energy of course! In addition to the orange chakra bracelets, rubies, moonstones and rose quartz all promote fertility. There is definitely good energy coming from those stones!

I get asked a lot about the bracelets I wear so I wanted to put it out there if anyone wanted one...here are some of the ones that are available (although anything can be made to order)...all real semi-precious stones with sterling silver.

From the left: two ruby bracelets (yes, they are real),
two orange chakra bracelets made from carnelian,
and two rose quartz bracelets.

The prices range from $40-$65...drop me an email if you are interested! fertilegroundblog@gmail.com

A long overdue update...

This blog and my readers have been on my mind for so long...I wanted to write but I also wanted to be certain.

And I feel confident today to say with certainty that my IVF worked (HOLY CRAP) and I am pregnant (DOUBLE HOLY CRAP)! It is unbelievable to even write that down, to acknowledge it and even attempt to accept it.

I told my husband that I won't accept it for real until the baby is in my arms...and that remains the truth. After five long years of trying and trying some more  it is really like a dream. Even the nauseousness and fatigue and all of that is like a dream...I swear I am happy for all of it. BRING IT ON!! ( I maybe complaining about this later but for now when someone in my office heats up fish in the office microwave and I walk by and almost puke in the recyclable bin...I am happy for that :)

I also can't wait to have a big belly...I am not concerned about "being fat" and am happy that I will be expanding! I am not taking any of this and what it all means for granted.

So I cheated the day before my first blood test at Sher and got a positive at night and another one the next morning...in all these years I never seen two lines...and part of me really thought I never would. I also never thought I would be a person who posts pictures of pee sticks...but hey, things change!

Yup, here they are

As of this writing I am 8 weeks along. My hubs calls me and texts me randomly to yell " We are going to be parents!!" Its other worldly!  My due date is January 9...which happens to be my Grammy's Bday :)

The initial sonogram showed two sacs, however one was smaller than the other and unfortunately did not continue to grow. But we have one growing, healthy baby who is now the size of a green olive!

Just this past Wednesday we got to hear the heartbeat...it was 170 to be exact! We saw the little babe (who resembles a platypus) and sadly (although for good reason) I was released by Dr. T.

Hello Platy...you look marvellous!

In a perfect world Dr. T would also deliver my baby and I wouldn't have to leave his nice office with his lovely staff and awesome nurses. But it means I have graduated and that is super!! I couldn't have asked for a better experience.

I will still be hanging around there though for a few weeks to come....part of my treatment still includes immune issues and I will keep getting intralipid IVs to keep my killer cells low and the baby growing and happy.

One day I will be celebrating is June 17...that is the day I NO LONGER have to do my progesterone shots. I HATE THEM. There is no way around it. My bum is black and blue and lumpy and itchy....all very sexy things. Sometimes I don't feel the shot..other times it feels like a dagger in my butt with poison being pushed out. It remains my nemesis. Oh how I loathe you.

But to be Mrs. Brightside...I do them bc I am PREGNANT and that trumps all of it and makes everything worth it no matter what!

The hubby and I haven't gone totally public with this...so those of you who read this and know me, please keep it between us for now. xoxo

**One more thing: The lovely staff and doctors at Sher Institute for Reproductive Medicine are doing something spectacular! They are donating a free IVF cycle in honor of Father's Day. They have offices throughout the US so check it out! And hurry...the deadline is June 6!!

In recognition of Father’s Day, we are excited to announce our “I Believe” Video Journal Project.   Father’s Day can be another tough “Hallmark Holiday” when you are trying to start or add to your family, so to provide a ray of hope, we are happy to be able to donate a free IVF cycle to one person/couple this Father’s Day weekend. 

To be considered for the donated IVF cycle, just create a video that details your infertility story and expresses your thoughts and emotions.

To find out more details and how to enter click here

The waiting game...

Holy crap is this annoying! Nice view but freakin' annoying!

What's a girl to do during the waiting game before the pregnancy test? 

Well I have alphabetized my closet...didn't think that was possible? Well I made it possible (in my head)...by brand name then color then by item then rated by comfort. :) 

Do I sound like I have a lot of time on my hands...well I do...

Then I gave my dogs and cats (I have a mini-farm at home...the animals outnumber the humans) manis/pedis/facials/conditioner treatments/massages/acupressure/chakra alignments...then I lit some sage and made sure they had no negativity surrounding them. 

Not a happy kitty

Ok, well maybe I didn't do all of this but I am definitely considering it. It's better than the alternative which has been me just staring into space and thinking and thinking and thinking.

Since I need a break from my constant thinking and watching the seconds of this day tick by so I wanted to share a previous post again on a way to eliminate stress/anxiety/overall glumness, etc and that's by using the Emotional Freedom Technique, or ETF. Below will redirct to an older post on EFT and how to do it and what it all means! Happy Tapping!!

It's Emotional Freedom Baby, Yeah!

Also, just found this online...want to learn how to tap? Check it out!

Tapping World Summit 2012!!

There goes the safety net....(sort of)

So I was flying high...had 20 eggs retrieved, 13 matured, 12 fertilized and 2 transferred. I thought I would have an arsenal left over of 10 embryos to freeze but today Dr. T told me that only 2 made it to freeze. The others didn't make it to the expanded blastocyst stage and were therefore not freezable.

I was a little bummed but at least I still have 2 to work with and I am grateful for that. Dr. T did say that what I got is pretty good and that most IVF cycles don't get more than that!

For now, I am pulling for these tiny little Grade A's that are hopefully working to attach deeper into my uterine lining and beginning implantation.

The crazy part is that the medium I went to in March told me she saw 4...and I thought she was nuts. I think I said something like "well I hope not!" thinking she meant I would only get 4 eggs retrieved. Turns out she was right about the 4...we transferred 2 and now have 2 frozen...that's the second thing that has come up since our reading that came true.

She said there are two kids "waiting to come" and they are very close...so we shall see how close.

I am in the waiting part of this cycle and its truly strange...I feel sort of relieved to be at this point but also anxiety filled. I try to keep the negative thoughts out....I even asked myself, can it be this easy? Could I be one of the lucky ones that IVF works the first time?

It's a strange thing to ask since going through IVF isn't easy at all but I know women that have gone through more. If I were to pose this question to my friends and family who haven't had any fertility issues, they would think I was nuts for asking if it can be this easy.

But I still wonder, have I done enough? Have I worked hard enough at this? These are the annoying questions I ask myself and the ones I want to keep at bay too. I tried hard this month to keep my chin up and be grateful every step of the way...sometimes these thoughts just creep in.

But I still do feel positive about this cycle...I am 3dpt and I feel good. It's Friday...I will sleep in tomorrow and do whatever I please and hang out with friends and just have fun.

Have a good weekend fertile readers!!
xoxo

Say hello to my little blastocysts...

Yes, I am quoting Tony Montana from Scarface when talking about my "grade A" embryos...but hey, a girl's gotta laugh through this!!

Well here they are...they have my eyes and my husband's bone structure! He said the right one looks like a buffalo nickel...so we are considering the name Buff for a boy :)

Their first photo...with touch-ups of course :)

The transfer was seamless and Dr. Brown at SIRM in NYC was awesome as well as all the nurses there who I always love to see! Dr. B said my lining was "beautiful" and that was the best compliment that I could have ever heard.

We transferred two and now we have 10 left...which makes me feel good, like I have a safety net.

Here is a little tip I got from a good friend about drinking water before the transfer. You need a full bladder when doing the transfer...we live on Long Island and had to drive into NYC..I was going to start drinking an hour before we got there but thank god I didn't or I wouldn't have been able to hold it.
So a friend suggested starting to drink the water when you are about half way to your appointment because you are not taken in immediately and may have to wait. So thanks Heather for that tip! You saved my bladder :)

So St. Rita was in my purse in the room during the transfer as my good luck charm/goddess/mascot/giver-of-hope. Come on St. Rita...I need a miracle!!

My husband's aunt brought me this back from a St. Rita church in Philly

I am at home now just relaxing and trying to make the most out of the rules from the doc...no lifting over 10 lbs...no strenuous activity...like vacuuming!! Wooo hooo!

But really, my husband hasn't let me do anything for a few weeks now...no opening the gate in the driveway, picking up the dogs, or carrying anything at all. He has been awesome, especially since he can be seen around town holding a coach bag for me! I tell him it's like a man-bag; a murse -- he does not find that funny.

Progesterone...my IVF nemesis

I have been stressing since the start of this IVF cycle about doing intra-muscular shots like progesterone. It's kept me up at night and made me sweat when I thought about it.

Well ladies and gents, it is here...the time to do the shot in my bum...and grin and bear it! On the positive side, doing the shots means that I am that much closer to moving forward with this cycle and I am always excited about that!

But still, all I could think about was this GIANT needle that had to go into my upper/outer butt quadrant. I was picturing it going in and through muscle and tissue and how I was going to be screaming with pain.

It was my nemesis.

At it turns out, the needle part wasn't as bad as I thought. I was laying on the bed with my head in a pillow ready to cry but it was way worse in my head!

Actually, the real pain in the butt comes AFTER the shot where it feels like a big old bruise. I've only done one so far but I can image where this is going...hopefully my husband will not forget about these shots and smack my bum in a way that was once cute but could now spark WWIII.

One thing I have figured out from all of this is that the sight of any needle that I know is meant for me makes my stomach do backflips and sends me running to the loo. So if I have a problem going to the loo...well then all I need to do is look at a needle and I am all set and regular again :)

Doing shots...

Getting crazy the night before the retrieval and doing some shots....of wheatgrass :)
Does this mean I will have a green hangover? I'll let you know...

Putting all eggs in one basket...

Well the time has come...tonight I will take a shot to trigger ovulation and then on Thursday Dr. T and his team at Sher will retrieve all of the eggs I have been cooking up!

So far there are about 14 follicles...some are a little smaller than others so I might not get the whole lot but either way I have some really good ones that are measuring up to be over achievers!

Also, more good news today. My blood pressure, which has been very high since Friday, has come back down and is much much better. I also feel so much better than I did late last week so I knew it was only a matter of time.

I am super excited and ready to go! Wish me luck!
xoxo

Yes, they are here..the side effects

Ok so yesterday I was all "I feel great" and "I have no side effects"

this is not me but some lady who is dizzy...if it were me I would get better highlights.

Well I can eat those words today....well not really because I might just throw them up. Follistim has reared its lovely head and given me massive headaches and nausea.

And when did it decide to hit me? On my train ride home. I was leaving work a little late and got on the train home...and thanks to "signal problems" the Long Island railroad cancelled some trains and combined others. I walked from front of train to back and not one seat was available...Ok, fine.

So I am standing in the back of a packed car when all of sudden I get a hot flash...I wish I could strip down but ya know, I can't cause I'll get arrested and all. So to avoid jail time I just take off my jacket and scarf and sweat it out.

Following the sweats I am overcome with a pukey feeling. I don't know what to do at this point...can't move down the aisle and I am NOT on a car with bathroom. At that point I consider puking in my purse if it came to that.

Somehow, however, I managed to breath through it and make off the damn train before blowing chunks.
So on the plus side I didn't have to puke in front of strangers...or anyone for that matter. And didn't have to ruin a new handbag!

It comes in waves and I am doing ok now...my husband made me cookies "with love" so all is good! xoxo

Hello follies...looking lovely today

Well I am laying the ground work for a fertile ground  in my uterus and as you can see (sort of)...all is good in mah belly. Those are follicles on one of my ovaries and since all looks good I've started my stimulation meds a few days early and am on my way!

I did my first shot of follistim last night and I feel really good today...the only minor side effect I've noticed so far is... crazy, hardcore balling at the site of anything, constant hunger, happiness followed by misery, hugging followed by screaming at my husband, my dog, my cat, my postman (he was caught off guard) and any poor telemarketer who calls my house...

Hehehe...just kidding! Really I've had no side effects (knock on wood) yet except a little bit of hotness at night and I don't mean the sexy kind. But nothing that keeps me up. My dreams have been a little out of control but I've always been that way so nothing new there.

I did have a little breakdown on Sunday night and Monday morning..I was not feeling my optimistic self and things felt very heavy and crappy. My bright spot and my rock is my husband who has given over all to a higher power and reminds me to do the same because good things are to come! I do believe that but get shaken from time to time. I know how lucky I am to have a man like him, who picks me up and carries me when I am down.

I was looking through an old box of my stuff a while back and found some letters that my grandmother had written me when she was alive. She always wrote me letters throughout my life. The one I happened to read was so timely and about when life is hard and you are discouraged just give all over to god to handle.

It made me feel such relief to read it. I don't think there are coincidences, I think Grammy G was there to make sure I read her note at that moment, just like when I saw a rainbow and knew it was from her after she died.

All is good today and I am ok with today...living in this moment feels great, so I'll take it!

So I will know more later this week on how those follicles are progressing! Until then I am continuing acupuncture twice a week along with taking my vitamins and trying to stay active.

I've skipped out on the gym but have been walking Ollie a lot...of course he is way happy about that!

Happy Birthday St. Gerard!!

Lots of us pray to him and wear him around our neck...but on Friday, April 6 it's his birthday!

St. Gerard , the Patron Saint of Motherhood, was born in 1726 in a small town in the south of Italy called Muro. Funny enough, the website I searched for his info used to give out free prayer cards and medals but the response has been overwhelming so they stopped handing them out for free! Ha!


To read more about St. Gerard, click here.


In honor of St. Gerard's birthday, St. Lucy's Parish in Newark, NJ will have an annual mass on April 15 at 12:30 pm.

Gratefullness, polyps and more....

Love life and it will love you back....

I recently had a chalk board put into my kitchen...my awesome husband bought chalkboard paint and cut some nice molding and make a lovely place for me (and him) to write whatever we like. The quote above has been on the board for a week or so and I have been feeling the love big time. Not just how much I get but in what I also give out.

I am a few weeks into my first IVF cycle and things are going well....no major side effects with the injections or steroids. I went for my first intralipid IV at SIRM in NYC yesterday. It was painless and calm and I just read my book for two hours.

That's my HUGE hand in the front :)

I was happy and not scared or worried...just grateful. It really overwhelmed me. I was grateful that I could be in a position to get the care I need with a doctor I trust with caring and knowledgeable nurses. I was grateful that my insurance is picking up the cost of many things and I can afford to get a treatment like intralipids.

I definitely wasn't in a place of "why me?" It never crossed my mind. I am just happy and grateful to be able to get excellent treatment and have a family sometime soon! I am also extremely grateful for the tremendous support system I have from my family and friends, especially my "Panera Girls" :)

I feel calm and collected and as cool as a cucumber. I do know that might change as I move along in this month and have more hormone injections but for now, since I love being in this moment, I am loving it big time.

Last week, I had to do a saline sonogram, which is required before doing the IVF. My doc, Dr. Tortoriello at SIRM, found a couple of polpys in my uterus. This was surprising and something I have never been checked for before...so needless to say, I am not sure how long then have been hanging around.

I had a hysteroscopy a few days later to remove the polyps...Dr. T said they were large and hanging there like a chandelier. He used a teeny-tiny scissors to snip them off. I woke up in recovery and was really cramping but overall I bounced back quickly and feel great today.

I had asked if this was the cause of my infertility (even though I know it would be hard to answer) and Dr. T said pretty much that, it's hard to say but could be a contributor.

Even still, I am happy that my uterus is a clean and happy place now...and all ready for baby!!

Happy International Women's Day!!

This is a day to celebrate women and how awesome we are!!!! Wooo-hooo!!


In different regions the focus of the celebrations ranges from general celebration of respect, appreciation and love towards women to a celebration for women's economic, political and social achievements. The first national Women's Day was in 1909 and we have come a long way, although there is still a ways to go! Find more info here.


We are amazing creatures and in the spirit of this blog on health and wellness, I am sharing some info to make your purdy, purdy lips even more beautiful and of course, healthy!


Check out: 

5 Things That Should Never Be In Your Makeup by Rodale 

and...

Lipstick and Lead: Questions and Answers by the FDA, which gives an analysis of lead in your lipsticks, which ones have it and how much. Scroll down to see the list of offenders :)

Lots of love to all my ladies on this special day!

xoxo

March-ing forward...

So it's official, we are moving ahead with IVF and are on the road to making things happen!

I am excited and scared at the same time. I have been reading "In vitro fertilization: The ART of Making Babies" written by Dr. Geoffrey Sher, the founder and executive medical director of the Sher Institute for Reproductive Medicine, or SIRM. The book has a lot of info and really takes you through all of the steps (physically, emotionally and financially) of the IVF process.

I found out about SIRM when I was researching unexplained infertility and had been thinking about immune issues related to that.

I wrote this blog piece at that time and part of the IVF that I am doing at Sher will include treatment that will suppress my immune system (intralipids) so that implantation can occur. Really, at this point only god knows why it hasn't happened yet so we are taking a shot in the dark at this. An expensive shot!!

Isn't this all just so romantic? I wonder if candles will be lit in the laboratory? Will the embryologist put on some smooth tunes to set the mood? Hopefully my girls will be receptive to his boys!

At this point, I am trying to stay positive and attempting to not to think too far ahead (I mean I already have my son/daughters wedding planned :) So I need to simmer down and be in this moment.

The next moment to happen will be in about an hour when I walk to the east side of Manhattan to meet with a nurse to talk about what comes next.

And off we go!!
xoxo

P.S. For those of you who know me personally, please keep anything you read on here between us :) I am very open about my situation but want to tell my family on my own time. Thanks!

Good luck charms...

Rockin' my St. Rita and Chakra bracelets today!

St. Rita is the patroness of impossible cases and in my support group she is our mascot!!

The orange Chakra bracelets (made by my mom)  represent the second chakra, which is the sacral chakra located at your sacrum or tailbone and its function is desire, pleasure and procreation. Its color is orange and its celestial body is the moon. Balancing this chakra is associated with sexual vitality, physical power and fertility!

Chakras are each of the centers of spiritual power in the human body, usually considered to be seven in number.

Update: February is the shortest month but it has been dragging FOREVER!

So goes the saying...you won't realize the distance you walked until you take a look around and realize how far you've been.

I am still on this journey and was thinking about all of the other women I know who are also on this journey to motherhood and how far all of us have gone and how slow this journey feels. But still, we wake up in the morning and still say, we will try again.

I have been on this baby journey for more than four years...it has not been four years of major procedures (although we have done a couple) but of a re-vamp of my life, an evolving and changing life, one that had lows of depression and highs of just happiness for being alive and grateful for what I already have.

I am getting ready to see a new fertility doctor on Feb. 29. I am excited and nervous but also don't want to put too much on just one person to "fix" my situation. I haven't been to a fertility doctor in about 2 years...since that time I had a lot of life changes that needed to happen. Timing is everything and although I HATE to say that and accept it, it was the case for me. (it doesnt mean I didnt kick and scream for a lot of it :)

In all of the testing we have done in all these years, there has been no definitive answer as to why I have not gotten pregnant, not once. In my gut, though, I always suspected it may be an immune issue.

Recently, I had a Lyme disease test that came back as borderline...which is even more frustrating. I have been exposed but no one can say for sure if I had a mild case of it, if that's even possible.

As a precaution, my family doctor put me on 21 days of antibiotics, the same thing we did to treat my dog when he had Lyme.

I wouldn't think too much of the Lyme test but I have an unexplained joint pain for about two years and joint pain in a symptom of Lyme. Around the same time the joint pain started, I was living in PA in a wooded area with lots of ticks. Also my mom has Lyme and is still being treated for it.

After Googling things, which we all know can be a bad idea, I read that you can pass Lyme to a baby if pregnant. So I am freaked out.

I found a doctor who treats Lyme in NYC and tried to figure out all of this with him. He re-tested my blood, sending it to the Stonybrook Lyme Lab and then had me repeat an MRI on my left wrist, which is the source of my joint pain.

The Lyme test showed that I was exposed to Lyme, but according to the CDC guidelines, I didn't test positive for Lyme. My MRI showed a swollen bone in my hand  and fluid in my wrist (same as the MRI did that I had in 2010). But really, no straight forward answer as to why I have the pain. I wasn't in an accident and had no trauma to my wrist.

Another test my doc did was the Antinuclear Antibody test, or ANA, which is the first test done to see if you have an auto-immune disease. Mine was at the top of the normal range.

Your immune system normally makes antibodies to help fight infection, according to the Mayo Clinic. In contrast, antinuclear antibodies often attack your body's own tissues - specifically targeting each cell's nucleus.

In most cases, a positive ANA test indicates that your immune system has launched a misdirected attack on your own tissue -- in other words, an autoimmune reaction.

In the past I've had an NK cell test, which tests for natural killer cells, and it was pretty high. This test was done when I went to the Sher Institute in PA in 2010. The thinking is that your body attacks an embryo as if it were a foreign object in your body. (**This thinking is pretty controversial in the fertility world and I found Sher Institute when I was researching immunity/infertility. So not all REs agree with this.)

So several questions remain about my Lyme and ANA tests...is the borderline Lyme test causing a high ANA reading? Is the joint pain a symptom of the Lyme or is the Lyme exaggerating something that was already there? Is the high ANA reading a cause of my infertility? Do I have another autoimmune disease that I am not aware of yet?

I am hoping to get closer to answering these questions next week...on Tuesday I am seeing an infectious disease doctor about the Lyme test then on Wed off to the Sher Institute in NYC to see if Dr. Tortoriello can put it all together for me.

I am not sure if I am more confused now than before, or if I am getting closer to understanding the cause of my infertility.

Only time will tell...in the meantime I am heading to Vermont this weekend to make this month, which has been the slowest damn month ever, move along nicely and do some relaxing (and drinking) before I get serious next week.
Will keep you posted!
xoxo

Keep your Valentine healthy...

Just in time for Valentine's Day (or any day for that matter)...the Environmental Working Group is making sure your honey-bunz is not inhaling harsh chemicals on this day of love.

Here, EWG breaks down in detail about the hidden chemicals in "fragrances" and how a loophole in a federal law allows fragrance manufacturers to hide potentially hazardous chemicals. They also list products that made the  grade when it comes to your health and wellness

Don't let your lover be exposed to harmful things...make sure if it smells good, it comes from a good source!

Hormone disruptors....air fresheners and fake fragrances

If you like the smell of vanilla wafting through your house...you might want to consider what that lovely fragrance is made of. 

Not to throw a wet towel on anyone's burning scents but you might want to think twice about what is in your favorite candle or air freshener since synthetic-fragrance ingredients,  researchers say, can interfere with reproductive hormones. And we all know that messing with your reproductive hormones is a BAD, BAD idea.


Hormone disruptors, otherwise known as endocrine disruptors, interfere with your hormone system and can cause a host of health issues from tumors to development disorders. And to be specific, the critical time between the transition from a fertilized egg into a fully formed infant, can also be adversely effected by these endocrine disruptors.


Here are some of the most well-known offenders:

Bisphenol A is commonly found in plastic bottles (including many baby bottles), plastic food containers, dental materials, and the linings of metal food and infant formula cans. Another exposure comes from receipt paper commonly used at grocery stores and restaurants, because today the paper is commonly coated with a BPA containing clay for printing purposes

Phthalates are found in some soft toys, flooring, medical equipment, cosmetics and air fresheners. They are of potential health concern because they are known to disrupt the endocrine system of animals, and some research has implicated them in the rise of birth defects of the male reproductive system.

If you are into making your own candles/scents..check out this article from Rodale on 4 all-natural air fresheners. Or try using soy-based or beeswax candles with natural fragrances...just remember to read the labels! If you cannot pronounce it, then move on!

Drink until you see Pink...

I met a group of awesome ladies at a support group meeting a few weeks ago and one of the girls said that funny line and I am most certainly living by it!

Little Ruby and a lovely bottle of wine

A little vino before bed, with dinner, with lunch, after lunch, before dinner, during the day just for kicks, when I shower..ok, ok just kidding. I am not developing an addiction but am happily doing things that I can before I cannot for 9+ months :)

I am keeping the optimism going...although sometimes I get weighed down by time going so slowwwwww. I am uber excited for my doctor appt at the end of February but it feels like it's years away. My patience is being tested, again, as it has been for more than four years of all this waiting and waiting and more freakin' waiting. I also calculated that when I go to see the RE doctor at the end of Feb, I will be on day five of my cycle so the month of March (when I turn a year older..ugh!) will be a wash. I am a little down in the dumps.

So I will instead indulge in things I cannot do while pregnant like eating sushi, drinking alcohol...jumping on a trampoline (well maybe just my bed instead), break dancing and eating moldy cheeses.

Supplements and other goodies...Swanson Vitamins

I am not a paid spokesperson (sometimes I wish I was..so if anyone wants to throw some money my way...I will not refuse :) BUT I like to share any and all things I am doing with my health and wellness to all of my readers :)

I've been ordering my vitamins from Swanson Vitamins and have been really happy with their quality and prices of their own brand as well as the others they offer that I use like New Chapter Organics.

I've ordered everything from vitamins and shampoo to spices. I just put an order in today. So there's no better time to let you know my daily regimen:

Here ya go:
-Vitamin D-3 (10,000 IU/day - liquid)
-Vit B-12 (sub-lingual)
-Fish oil (omega 3, 6, 9 in liquid)
-Folate (lots of times your pre-natal vitamins doesn't have enough of these things)
-Magnesium citrate (calms me down and helps me sleep)
-Vit C
-Probiotics
-Ubiquinal (CoQ10)
-Pre-natal-multi
(I also just ordered some Maca for my hubby, who is also taking a man's multi, saw palmetto, l-carnitine and ubiquibal)


Some other good supplements to take to boost your fertility are:
-Chaste berry (400 gm 2x/day) (boosts progesterone, which is key in maintaining a pregnancy)
-Red raspberry leaf (strengthens your uterus and can be taken in tea form)
-Evening primrose (helps maintain hormonal balance..if you have too much or too little it helps even that out)
**Of course these herbs/supplements could interfere with fertility treatments/drugs so always check with your doctor first if you are in treatment**

One more thing I wanted to mention...

Ladies, if you are not using organic cotton tampons/pads...you need to make that change ASAP. There are several types that use organic cotton, with no chlorine, no perfumes and no synthetic materials. They are a fraction of the cost on Swanson when compared to Whole Foods and Wegmans. Also, you can almost always get coupon codes for Swanson for free shipping, etc so what are you waiting for???? Our insides need to be happy too :)

Ducks in a row...

Some things have been on my mind and I like being able to finally tackle them... especially as I prepare to go back to the RE and have a new look at my fertility.

First - I've had pain in my left wrist for about three years. Had an MRI and went to a wrist surgeon about 2 years ago. He said I had some fluid in my wrist and told me to just "stop doing yoga." He was, and I am sure still is, a moron. He gives doctors bad names, a few of which I would have liked to have called him. 

I suppose if you can't "fix" my issue without surgery then you just can't help me. Thanks Pal!

Anywho...I was concerned the pain/weakness may have to do with an autoimmune disease and also might be affecting my fertility (when you have this much time to think about things...well, your mind wanders). Turns out, I do not have an autoimmune disease so that's a relief since I have been worrying for a while that I may have lupus. 

I am still waiting on a Lyme Disease test and one for celiacs (just cause I am a worry-wort these days). I'll know by Monday. 

Second, as you know if you have read earlier posts, I have constant sinus issues that goES from bad to worse in a short time. I went to an allergist and after poking my arms 38 times then re-doing about 28 of those with syringes, I am allergic to the follow:

-Dust mites

-Several trees (mainly that pollinate in the spring)

-Grass (the kind on your lawn, not the kind you smoke :)

-One outdoor mold (again, something that comes out in the spring)

-Cats (this wasn't a huge one but still there and given that I have two cats, well not so great for me. But the cats are 11 and I will not be giving them away, so I'll have to deal with those cute faces).

So basically I have seasonal allergies, which I already know about. The cats, not so much. The doc gave me some nose spray and allergy pills, which turn me into a walking zombie even though I take them before bed.

I am making some headway on this issue but still not much has changed in terms of my symptoms. I am going back to the allergist in a couple of weeks and should know more then.

All in all, I want to go back to the RE knowing that I don't have any other lingering issues that I need to deal with. It's spring cleaning for your body!

Paula Deen is a bad example for everyone

This article on MINDBODYGREEN sums it all up. 

Paula Deen, you are an excellent example of the many things wrong with our society and a poor role model. Take your twinkie cake and shove it.


4 Reasons Why Paula Deen Totally Blew It

By Jason Wachob

You've probably noticed that we avoid negative posts here at MBG. But with Paula Deen's recent Type-2 diabetes announcement (which she hid for three years while she promoted the very food responsible for her illness!) and subsequent deal with a diabetes drug company -- well, that was just too much to ignore.

Why is this so upsetting?

More...

Breakfast of Champions...green juice

I started my day off with a green juice to get my own juices flowing. I've had a nasty sinus/chest infection since Saturday and I am not a happy camper!

Today's recipe:

Kale (of course!)
Dandelion
Cucumber
Green apples
Celery
Lemon
Beets
(I ran out of parsley, which I've been adding to this one!)

According to juicing/wellness warrior guru Kris Carr of Crazy Sexy Life, juicing is freaking awesome!! See what she has to say below:

Hands down the best way to increase our alkalinity and detox our purdy bodies is to consume a diet full of sunlight aka liquid chlorophyll.

Chlorophyll contains a powerful blood builder that’s said to increase red blood cells, improve circulation, ease inflammation, oxygenate the body, and counteract harmful free radicals. By eating (and drinking) a diet high in chlorophyll (raw fruits and veggies, especially leafy greens), we dine on liquid oxygen, the very substance we need to stay alive and thrive.

To read more about Juicing vs. Blending...go here!

May the juice be with you my fertile readers!
xoxo