So goes the saying...
you won't realize the distance you walked until you take a look around and realize how far you've been.
I am still on this journey and was thinking about all of the other women I know who are also on this journey to motherhood and how far all of us have gone and how slow this journey feels. But still, we wake up in the morning and still say, we will try again.
I have been on this baby journey for more than four years...it has not been four years of major procedures (although we have done a couple) but of a re-vamp of my life, an evolving and changing life, one that had lows of depression and highs of just happiness for being alive and grateful for what I already have.
I am getting ready to see a new fertility doctor on Feb. 29. I am excited and nervous but also don't want to put too much on just one person to "fix" my situation. I haven't been to a fertility doctor in about 2 years...since that time I had a lot of life changes that needed to happen. Timing is everything and although I HATE to say that and accept it, it was the case for me. (it doesnt mean I didnt kick and scream for a lot of it :)
In all of the testing we have done in all these years, there has been no definitive answer as to why I have not gotten pregnant, not once. In my gut, though, I always suspected it may be an immune issue.
Recently, I had a Lyme disease test that came back as borderline...which is even more frustrating. I have been exposed but no one can say for sure if I had a mild case of it, if that's even possible.
As a precaution, my family doctor put me on 21 days of antibiotics, the same thing we did to treat my dog when he had Lyme.
I wouldn't think too much of the Lyme test but I have an unexplained joint pain for about two years and joint pain in a symptom of Lyme. Around the same time the joint pain started, I was living in PA in a wooded area with lots of ticks. Also my mom has Lyme and is still being treated for it.
After Googling things, which we all know can be a bad idea, I read that you can pass Lyme to a baby if pregnant. So I am freaked out.
I found a doctor who treats Lyme in NYC and tried to figure out all of this with him. He re-tested my blood, sending it to the Stonybrook Lyme Lab and then had me repeat an MRI on my left wrist, which is the source of my joint pain.
The Lyme test showed that I was exposed to Lyme, but according to the CDC guidelines, I didn't test positive for Lyme. My MRI showed a swollen bone in my hand and fluid in my wrist (same as the MRI did that I had in 2010). But really, no straight forward answer as to why I have the pain. I wasn't in an accident and had no trauma to my wrist.
Another test my doc did was the Antinuclear Antibody test, or ANA, which is the first test done to see if you have an auto-immune disease. Mine was at the top of the normal range.
Your immune system normally makes antibodies to help fight infection, according to the Mayo Clinic. In contrast, antinuclear antibodies often attack your body's own tissues - specifically targeting each cell's nucleus.
In most cases, a positive ANA test indicates that your immune system has launched a misdirected attack on your own tissue -- in other words, an autoimmune reaction.
In the past I've had an NK cell test, which tests for natural killer cells, and it was pretty high. This test was done when I went to the Sher Institute in PA in 2010. The thinking is that your body attacks an embryo as if it were a foreign object in your body. (**This thinking is pretty controversial in the fertility world and I found Sher Institute when I was researching immunity/infertility. So not all REs agree with this.)
So several questions remain about my Lyme and ANA tests...is the borderline Lyme test causing a high ANA reading? Is the joint pain a symptom of the Lyme or is the Lyme exaggerating something that was already there? Is the high ANA reading a cause of my infertility? Do I have another autoimmune disease that I am not aware of yet?
I am hoping to get closer to answering these questions next week...on Tuesday I am seeing an infectious disease doctor about the Lyme test then on Wed off to the Sher Institute in NYC to see if Dr. Tortoriello can put it all together for me.
I am not sure if I am more confused now than before, or if I am getting closer to understanding the cause of my infertility.
Only time will tell...in the meantime I am heading to Vermont this weekend to make this month, which has been the slowest damn month ever, move along nicely and do some relaxing (and drinking) before I get serious next week.
Will keep you posted!
xoxo
