We have been on an extended break from trying to get pregnant (with the help of a doctor anyway). But it was time to revisit the doctor and it was interesting. I've done a few immunity tests recently and some flags were raised about my immunity and what role that is playing in my trouble conceiving. So at least I got some answers instead of the same old "unexplained" one.
But back to my instant gratification issues....I am ready to plow ahead with the doctors orders. But our life (the hubby and me) is a little crazy at the moment...moving to another state, working on contract without benefits, good insurance plan running out next month, owning a Mini Cooper with virtually no back seat for a baby....yada yada yada.
I know the smart thing to do is wait...save some money...plan it out better and wait a few more months. I would really have to rush and get things moving if June was a month to start it all. But I want it all and I want it NOW.
My husband was the voice of reason today and although I snapped at him like a kid being told I couldn't have something (sorry baby!), he was right.
So I am back on the wagon (or off) not sure if the wagon would be the one with fertility drugs in the trunk...in any case, I am back on the break after momentarily thinking I was no longer on a break while in a card store today.
Recently I told a friend (who holds a special place in my heart) that the thought of "what if I never get pregnant" has been creeping into my mind lately. But at least now the thought leaves my head faster. She has the same thoughts too and the same reaction but also wondered if it was more about her giving up in some way. It's incredible how this process makes you really question yourself.
So I am sending a big F-U to the fertility gods today.....can you help a homie out please????
Throw some fertile eggs, etc OUR way please.
I don't think there are too many people more dedicated and motivated than those of us trying to have babies. It just becomes exhausting. So if you are reading this and feel discouraged, just keep your chin up! Know you are not the only one on this roller coaster ride although I would like to get off of it in the next year or so :)
One great thing I learned from yoga meditation is that when thoughts enter your head just recognize them and then let them float by. Thoughts don't define you or your life and are not a crystal ball into the future.
So let it float by.....and have some fun this weekend! I've been requested to make jello shots for a party this weekend (I know what you are thinking and yes, people still make them who are not in college). So I will be walking around with a blue tongue...which I will be sticking out at those damn fertility gods this weekend!
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