New Year, New Day!

A year-ago this month I was in a "starting fresh" mood. I was ready to make more life changes in hopes of getting pregnant and having a baby with the only man I would ever want to do that with. I started the year talking about a detox plan and cutting gluten from my diet. Not much changed on that front, still no baby.

But a year later, I am mentally OK and that, ladies and gents, proved to be the biggest challenge of 2010. I started that year without a full-time job after the financial sector crumbled, along with my job. But things got better and I finally got a new job that brought me into a fairly new sector where I met new people, and I like what I am doing. I knew that changing my focus from trying to get pregnant to just living each day and focusing on my marriage would be hard, and holy shit did it suck. But, I am finally in a place where trying to conceive isn't the only damn thing on my mind.

Guys always joke about how trying to get pregnant is fun bc of all of the practicing  you get to do. Yes, at first it's totally fun. Then after a while, not so much. One of my friend's husbands said to my husband, you must be like a porn star. Yes, if porn is like this:
Me: "I am ovulating"
The Hubz: "Oh Ok"
Me: "I am tired, can we do it now"
Hubz: "Ok"
Several minutes later...
Me: "Hand me those pillows so I can prop my butt up"
Hubz: "Ok. I going to go change my teams" (if your husband plays fantasy football/baseball you know what I am talking about :)

Needless to say we are NOT in that place anymore - thank god. But keep in mind, I have been on an extended break from trying to get pregnant --  in terms of using any methods of intervention with a doctor or holistic health professional. I am not sure if I needed this time to get my sanity back, or if I am fooling myself. The future holds all of the cards and I am not sure if I have a full house or not.

One thing I do know is that I have become more comfortable with not having kids than I thought I would. I cherish my uninterrupted sleep and ability to do whatever I want, when I want. That is part of being in a moment and being in my marriage, instead of being in the future of my marriage.

I was reading another infertility blog today and the writer was so insightful. You can tell she is getting to a place of maturity and dealing with life that takes some people two lifetimes to get to. But she is doing it with class and style. This couple is choosing Plan C - life without a child after struggling with infertility and IVF.

In her year-in-review post she wrote that her biggest achievement of 2010 was surviving infertility with her marriage and sanity in tact.  I second that achievement, which pretty much sums up my 2010. If you are reading this and are in the depths of despair with all that comes with infertility, things will get better, no matter what choice you make or stage you are at.

Here's to growing and evolving some more in 2011!

xoxo