Off we go...

The hubz and I have been on an extended break, as you know, from really trying with this whole baby thing. But today we are getting serious...one small step at a time. We are heading to the naturopath and getting our fertility work up today!

I am excited but also a little frazzled...I want to stay in the moment and not get 500 steps ahead. I mean I do already have a baby shower planned, schools picked out, summer vacations planned, etc, etc...ok so I need to slowwwwwww down.

So step one, drive to the doctor. I'll figure out the next step as it is happening :)

Recently I got a text message from a friend who is dealing with infertility and is in the process of her own plan and treatment. As she was recently leaving the doctor's office, which she was called to unexpectedly, she put on happy music and forced herself to laugh and smile....and she was feeling good!

So to keep things light and happy....with lots of laughter. Below is a video for your viewing pleasure and mine. Since studies have shown that laughing increases your chances of conceiving, here is something to help you through your day! (Laughter may increase probability of IVF pregnancy, study finds: read it here)

For all of my Long Islanders...

Daily Show -- Long Island Wants to Secede

Or check this one out too....
Click here

(sorry I couldn't get this video to embed!)

The (wheat) grass is always greener...

The grass is getting high and I am chopping it down. My cats are also eating it and I am juicing it!

So get your green on and check out the benefits of the grass...and I am not talking about the kind you smoke :)

Wheatgrass Juice is one of the best sources of living chlorophyll available and it is safe for gluten-free diets. I was doing a bit a research and there are some message boards that say that wheatgrass can help lower FSH levels....but aside from that, check out the other benefits below:



•A physical and mental sense of well-being


•More energy and better sleep

•Stronger immune system

•Detoxification on a cellular level

•Reduced inflammation in the entire body

•Lessened appetite cravings

•Increased mental clarity

•Steadier nerves

•Improved eyesight and night vision

•You suddenly start accomplishing more every day

•Actively engaging in and enjoying activities you had been dreading in the past

•Visually seeing results via live blood cell analysis such as the unclumping of oxygen-carrying red blood cells

Wheatgrass helps to alkaline your body....most of us have an acidic-ridden body and disease breeds on acid...so how about you harvest some at home. All you needs is a shot.

Benefits of Chlorophyll

There are several reasons why green foods are considered as blood-building foods because of the similarity in structures of the two colored pigments, the red heme and the green chlorophyll. Here are the lists of health benefits we can get from chlorophyll.

1. Chlorophyll is the best aid in gastrointestinal problems.
Refined, low fiber and and animal fats contribute to major diseases start in the colon. Gastrointestinal problems can be best treated by improving the digestion and assimilation. Among those natural nutrients that heal the intestinal track, green vegetables high in chlorophyll content aid in loosening and cleansing the colon.

2. Chlorophyll Promote formation of hemoglobin and red blood cells.
Hemoglobin is the iron-containing substance that provides red blood cells their red pigment and transports oxygen to the body tissues. In fact, we may not realize that our blood is composed of 75% of hemoglobin. If the central atom of blood is iron, how chlorophyll helps in the formation of red blood cells? As we digested green food, the magnesium helps in rebuilding and replenishing the red blood cells which is responsible for boosting our energy.

3. Chlorophyll treats bad breath.
Bad breath is caused by oral bacteria that reside in a person’s mouth and it excretes odiferous waste products. The sulfur compounds of waste products usually lie at the root of breath odor problems. With the double action of chlorophyll, it acts as deodorizer that eliminates bad odor and reduces the stringent smell of urine, infected wounds and feces.

4. Detoxify toxins that cause cancer.
Researches found that the damaged genes caused by carcinogen substances can be prevented by chlorophyllin, a derivative of chlorophyll wherein the magnesium is removed and replaced with copper. It reduces the binding of carcinogen from foods like cooked meat products that damage the DNA and other organs of the body particularly the liver.

5. Beneficial in assimilating calcium and other heavy minerals.
Chlorophyll is very easy to absorb and assimilate. It is so amazing how it gets into the bloodstream so fast with the least amount of digestion that saves more vital energy. Not only that, cataract cases which is same as an arthritic formation, the hard calcium has come out of solution and becomes milky so that patients cannot see clearly with their cataract condition. Again, chlorophyll can assimilate calcium and balance other trace minerals to rebuild, replace, and exchange with the new tissue.

6. Chlorophyll fights infections.
It is the antioxidant and anti-inflammatory compounds contain Vitamin A, C and E that are responsible to reduce inflammation. In connection to this, the healing aspects of chlorophyll were reported in 1940 by Dr. Benjamin Gruskin. With this vitro experiments, it showed that chlorophyll possess bacteriostic property that kill harmful bacteria.Moreover, the antiseptic properties of chlorophyll have the ability to kill germs by strengthening the tissues.

I bought my kit here. You also need a hand-crank juicer for wheatgrass which you can also get at the same place!

So cheers to some green-goodness and to your health!

Food Coloring...Not as pretty as you think.

This story is not that surprising, is it? I mean you've read that red coloring comes from ground up beetles, haven't you? Makes you think twice about eating those red M&Ms.

I know you may have just finished eating lunch but here is some info for your afternoon delight....


     F.D.A. Panel to Consider Warnings for Artificial Food   
     Colorings

By GARDINER HARRIS

Published: March 29, 2011

WASHINGTON — After staunchly defending the safety of artificial food colorings, the federal government is for the first time publicly reassessing whether foods like Jell-O, Lucky Charms cereal and Minute Maid Lemonade should carry warnings that the bright artificial colorings in them worsen behavior problems like hyperactivity in some children.

          Read the full story here

Hello Stranger...Support Groups, Immunity and Lots More

Yes, it's been a while but I have lots to chat about!

First, I went to my first infertility support group on March 18 and I met a group of amazing women. Meeting people who are going through a similar situation makes you feel less lonely. There is definitely a bond there that is hard to explain but even though I only just met these woman once, I know I could call on any of them for support.

Everyone had a different story but the struggles were mostly the same. I had never talked that much about infertility and my issues. I would definitely recommend trying to find a group and checking it out! I found my local group by searching the Resolve website. There is a tab for "Services and Support" where you can search for a group in your area, either one led by a professional or a peer-led group, which is free to attend. I went to a peer-led group meeting and will certainly be at future meetings!

After the meeting my husband and I talked a lot about our situation and we have pushed up the date of when we would be returning to the serious business of trying to conceive. We have been on an extended break and were going to start things up again with doctors, etc in August but have opted for May, at least to get started with a Naturopath doctor.

We are set to meet Dr. Pina as Inner Source Natural Health for a fertility work up on May 10, which happens to be Mother's Day! It is a two-hour visit with both partners and you leave with a plan in hand. She combines natural medicine like herbs, vitamins, etc with acupuncture and changes to your diet.

We want to get started on getting our bodies in gear and then we will move onto the RE doctor, if need be, sometime in the summer when/if we need to. I am happy with this plan...I like easing back into this on a natural path first and then seeing what lies ahead after that.

IMMUNITY AND INFERTILITY

A few things have been coming up about my immunity levels that I need to get checked. Something keeps pointing me in that direction as the reason why we have yet to conceive.

First, my doctor at the Sher Institute for Reproductive Medicine did a test and determined that my Natural Killer Cells were at a very high level, meaning that my body could be rejecting an embryo as a foreign object. Check out my post from a year-ago here.

Second, I've had pain/weakness in my left wrist for well over 2 years and it has not gotten any better. I've had an MRI and it shows fluid build-up in my wrist. The doctor I went to see at the time (a hand/wrist specialist) was no help and just said I should stop doing yoga. Well I did and it didn't help. I had to see another hand specialist for a sprained finger on the other hand and I asked about the pain in my wrist. he said the Xrays, etc look great so he suggested I get tested for auto-immune diseases. I have an appt on Monday to see a doctor for some blood work.

After getting all that info, my mother-in-law was watching a local news channel on Long island and saw a report from a homeopathic doctor. Dr. Garry D'Brant, about adrenal glands and infertility. He suggested that the adrenal glad is often overlooked when doctors are diagnosing infertility. They mostly opt to check the thyroid instead. Adrenal glands can also be impacted by immune issues.

With that said, I will be looking into all of this over the next couple of months with some help from the medical/holistic community!

IN LOVING MEMORY...

In January I lost my grandmother, Julia, who lived a very full life to 91 years old. She was someone I could always talk to and lean on throughout my life. She was the first close person to me who died and although I am happy that she is no longer suffering, I miss her and talk to her often. So here is a tribute to my Grammy G!

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but Really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

--Excerpt from The Velveteen Rabbit  by Margery Williams

Support Groups Double Your Chance of Conceiving: Harvard Medical School

 There is power in numbers and the same can be said when it comes to infertility. A new study by Harvard University's medical school found that support groups can more than double the chances of conceiving for women.

"This information is incredibly encouraging in terms of the importance of emotional support," said Linda Applegarth of the Cohen-Perelman Center for Reproductive Medicine at New York Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell.

Applegarth told "Today" that the benefits of support groups are significant for those trying to conceive.

"Not only are you getting emotional support, you're also getting appropriate information about where to go to get good treatment," she said.

For more information about peer-led and professionally-led support groups in your area, check out Resolve for ones in your state.

Arvigo Maya Fertility Massage: Working Wonders

Time for a belly rub! If you are willing to try anything, take a stab at this one:

Arvigo Maya Massage is an abdominal massage for the reproductive and digestive systems that has been practiced for thousands of years. The non-invasive technique helps guide the internal reproductive organs into their proper position and relieve tension in the diaphragm since organs that have shifted have restricted flow of blood, lymph nerve and chi.

This technique was developed by Dr. Rosita Arvigo, who moved to Belize from the US in 1981 and worked as a naprapathic doctor (a branch of chiropractic care). She met one of the last of the traditional Maya shaman, Don Elijio Panti and was taken on as his apprentice. (Panit passed away in 1996 at the age of 103).


As with any other natural healing, Arvigo Techniques seek to restore the body to its natural balance. Though the techniques are shown to have positive results for gynecological and gastrointestinal issues, the main results have been a boost to fertility.


According to Dr. Arvigo's website, the work is best known for the correction of the prolapsed, fallen, or tilted uterus and for the prevention and treatment of benign prostate enlargement in men, and for relief of many common digestive disorders.

Benefits for Women
Normally the uterus leans slightly over the bladder in the center of the pelvis, about one and a half inches above the pubic bone. It is held in this position by muscles, the vaginal wall and ligaments that attach it to the back, front, and sides of the pelvis. Uterine ligaments are made to stretch to accommodate a growing fetus inside and to move freely when the bladder or bowel is full. The ligaments and muscles can weaken and loosen, causing the uterus to fall downward, forward, backward or to either side.

A uterus in any of these positions is called tilted or prolapsed. Modern medicine has little or nothing to offer women with this problem. Options may include using the birth control pill, muscle relaxants, or surgery and women are generally told, "your uterus is tipped, but that is normal and don't worry about it." Yet women have a laundry list of physical and emotional symptoms that can be addressed and prevented with these simple, noninvasive massage techniques. When reproductive organs shift, they can constrict normal flow of blood and lymph, and disrupt nerve connections. Just a few extra ounces sitting on blood and lymph vessels can cause havoc throughout the different systems in the body. By shifting the uterus back into place, homeostasis, or the natural balance of the body, is restored in the pelvic area and the surrounding organs. Toxins are flushed and nutrients that help to tone tissue and balance hormones are restored to normal order. This is essential for healthy pregnancy, labor, and delivery.

Old adhesions from invasive treatments to the pelvic and abdominal area, including fibroid tumors, endometriosis, and cesarean delivery are diminished when addressed by uterine massage. In addition, digestion, urinary and bladder problems can be helped.

Check out Dr. Arvigo's site for more info. She also has a link to practitioners in your area here.

 I found out about this therapy from an article my mom sent me from Oprah.com. Daphne Oz (daughter of  -- you guessed it -- Dr. Mehmet Oz), wrote about her experience with the massage. You can read that story here.

New Year, New Day!

A year-ago this month I was in a "starting fresh" mood. I was ready to make more life changes in hopes of getting pregnant and having a baby with the only man I would ever want to do that with. I started the year talking about a detox plan and cutting gluten from my diet. Not much changed on that front, still no baby.

But a year later, I am mentally OK and that, ladies and gents, proved to be the biggest challenge of 2010. I started that year without a full-time job after the financial sector crumbled, along with my job. But things got better and I finally got a new job that brought me into a fairly new sector where I met new people, and I like what I am doing. I knew that changing my focus from trying to get pregnant to just living each day and focusing on my marriage would be hard, and holy shit did it suck. But, I am finally in a place where trying to conceive isn't the only damn thing on my mind.

Guys always joke about how trying to get pregnant is fun bc of all of the practicing  you get to do. Yes, at first it's totally fun. Then after a while, not so much. One of my friend's husbands said to my husband, you must be like a porn star. Yes, if porn is like this:
Me: "I am ovulating"
The Hubz: "Oh Ok"
Me: "I am tired, can we do it now"
Hubz: "Ok"
Several minutes later...
Me: "Hand me those pillows so I can prop my butt up"
Hubz: "Ok. I going to go change my teams" (if your husband plays fantasy football/baseball you know what I am talking about :)

Needless to say we are NOT in that place anymore - thank god. But keep in mind, I have been on an extended break from trying to get pregnant --  in terms of using any methods of intervention with a doctor or holistic health professional. I am not sure if I needed this time to get my sanity back, or if I am fooling myself. The future holds all of the cards and I am not sure if I have a full house or not.

One thing I do know is that I have become more comfortable with not having kids than I thought I would. I cherish my uninterrupted sleep and ability to do whatever I want, when I want. That is part of being in a moment and being in my marriage, instead of being in the future of my marriage.

I was reading another infertility blog today and the writer was so insightful. You can tell she is getting to a place of maturity and dealing with life that takes some people two lifetimes to get to. But she is doing it with class and style. This couple is choosing Plan C - life without a child after struggling with infertility and IVF.

In her year-in-review post she wrote that her biggest achievement of 2010 was surviving infertility with her marriage and sanity in tact.  I second that achievement, which pretty much sums up my 2010. If you are reading this and are in the depths of despair with all that comes with infertility, things will get better, no matter what choice you make or stage you are at.

Here's to growing and evolving some more in 2011!

xoxo

What's in the bottle? Not all water is created equal!

The purest of pure may not be so clear-cut when it comes to bottled water. The Environmental Working Group is always doing its best to keep consumers aware and companies liable for their products.

Released last week was the EWG's 2011 Water Scorecard, which breaks down companies with the best and worst rating for being transparent with where they source their water and how it's filtered.

EWG said companies that sell bottled water, which costs up to 1,900 times more than tap water, are keeping secrets about where the water comes from, if and how it is purified and if testing has revealed any contaminants.

Of 173 unique bottled water products surveyed by EWG, 18 percent of bottled waters fail to list the source, and 32 percent disclose nothing about the treatment or purity of the water. Much of the marketing nonsense that drew ridicule last year can still be found on a number of labels, EWG said.


EWG recommends that you drink filtered tap water. You'll save money, drink water that’s purer than tap water and help solve the global glut of plastic bottles.


The top performers -- products with the "best" labels and received a "B" rating -- were:
Gerber pure purified water
Nestle Pure Life Purified Water
Penta Ultra-Purified Water

Topping the "C" rating with "better" labels were:
Walgreens Pure Drinking Water
Acqua Panna Natural Spring Water
Alhambra Crystal-Fresh Purified Water

Products that fell into the "murky label" category with a "D" rating included:
365 Everyday Value Spring Water (The brand sold at Whole Foods)
Aquafina Purified Drinking Water
Deer Park
Kirkland
Poland Spring
S. Pellegrino Sparkling Natural Mineral Water
Volvic

Products with the "murkiest" labels and given an "F" rating included:
Stop & Shop Acadia
(Walgreens) Drinking Water
Archer Farms
Ciao Acqua
Crystal Geyser
CVS Gold Emblem
Eco Choice
Ethos Water
Glacia
Trader Joe's
Voss
Wegmans Spring Water
Whole Foods Italian Still Mineral Water

From the "Other" Side

When I am in the bubble of infertility, I never think that anyone else is thinking about my problem. But what I've come to learn recently is that it's not just about me (duh!). I know that a lot of my family and friends are pulling for me but I didn't know the full extent.

I have a super sister-in-law who is thoughtful and sincere and just plain awesome! She lost her father suddenly a few years ago. I cannot imagine the pain associated with losing a loved one so suddenly and I think about my sister-in-law and her dad often.

From time-to-time her father has visited her in her dreams. One dream in particular was more than a year ago when my sister-in-law was wondering if I was pregnant or would ever get pregnant. She told me that her father told her in the dream that I wasn't pregnant but I would be -- the timing just wasn't right.

Fast forward to present time and my sister-in-law found a medium (yes, a psychic) and asked for a reading. She asked the medium to speak to her father and ask him about my chances of getting pregnant. I have to stop here for a second to say that my sister-in-law could be asking her dad a ton of other things about herself and her immediate family but she asked about me...this is what makes her so special <3.

The medium sent her reply in an email and told my sister-in-law that basically I am not ovulating at the time that I think I am and should be attempting to conceive at an entirely different time of the month than what I have been doing.

Below are excerpts from the medium: (her words are in parenthesis and my sister-in-law's father's answers are in quotes as relayed through the medium)

(I ask if he can tell us anything about why Alison cannot get pregnant after all the years of trying and testing, etc.)

"She ovulates more at the beginning of the cycle--the hormones don't seem to be indicating this--she needs to focus more on the beginning of the cycle--not so much into the middle."

(Do you think she will be able to get pregnant)

"I do believe that if she focuses on what I'm telling her she will be able to achieve this. She should resume her natural hormonal cycle and follow the advice I have given. It's often the simple things that seem so unclear to people--the doctors focus on looking for major things and often neglect the natural rhythms of life. There are no other physical challenges that I know of."

(What can Alison do to help herself)

"She needs to be still in her mind--stress and worry won't help this situation. She needs to return to her own natural cycle--using procedures and natural means to alter the hormones is fine, but the cycle will then continue to keep fluctuating based upon what she is doing at the time--let it settle into it's own pattern once again so that she can pinpoint ovulation. Sometimes it is not good to go against your own natural construct--everyone is different and forcing her body to follow the same pattern as others will not work for her."

(Are you able to tell us a more specific time that she ovulates)

"Very soon after the menstrual cycle--she should focus on this time--perhaps even before it is completed. This would not be the norm, yet for her it is."

(Can you tell if Alison will become pregnant)

"This may take some months of trying, but I do believe this will be achieved."

Lots of love to SMC and her Dad! xoxo

For more information on the medium, JoAnne DelVecchio, click here.

Thar she blows....another pregnant celeb!

I don't personally know Mariah Carey but I tend to not believe that she wasn't trying some sort of fertility treatment under the supervision of a RE.

New York skepticism has rubbed off on me...just like how I don't really trust that strangers say "Hi" or "How are you?" just to be nice. There are usually ulterior motives like trying to sell me Comic Club tickets or some god-awful something. But I digress.

On the positive side, Mizzz Carey-Cannon did shed some light, even though a small one, on acupuncture and that is always good in my book, when related to infertility. This journey can get so damn lonely that its comforting when others speak out about it in some way.

Read the story from US Weekly here.

Then her hubby confirmed that it's twins! Imagine that...twins!

See the story here

Happy Holi-daze!

The holidays have been fallen upon us and it's an interesting time for couples who are trying to conceive. I am starting to see more stories in the main stream media about infertility and wanted to share one view of the holiday season.

Below is a link to Tips for Facing Infertility During the Holidays on parentdish.com by Mary Beth Sammons who talks about The LeRoy's journey and their struggle to get through the holidays as an infertile couple.

Read there story here.

Although I still like to get cards from friends and family with photos of their children, I can understand the heartache that comes with getting inundated with those photo cards. I have chosen to always send a photo of my dogs because, after all, they are my fur-babies :)

Here's hoping your holiday season is filled with lots of love, happiness and joy!

xoxo

Cow Fluff

Did you know that that United Nations reported that cow flatulence accounts for more greenhouse-gas emissions than all the tailpipe emissions from the transportation sector combined? One of the main issues pointed to the unnatural diet of corn and soy fed to cows that creates excess, methane-laced cow flatulence; and massive pools of liquid manure that accumulate in huge, factory like production systems.

The point being: organic milk is better!

Read the full story from Rodale here!

Feelin' Groovy

Some days are just better than others and that goes for anyone dealing with life in general! Today is a good day. Just wanted to share that since a lot of times this blog could be depressing and whiny at times :)

Although its rainy and glum outside in NYC, I am feeling like sunshine on the inside. Some days just fall into place and it feels good. I am finally coming out of the fog of being sick with whatever is going around my office/the train and that's always a good thing.

In addition to being sick last week, we almost lost one of our cats. Poor little Gatsby was in heart failure but has made it through and is back to his old self! Also my husband just sent me a text to say that he cleaned the house and, after regaining consciousness, I am elated to head home to a clean house!

So I would like to send you all a happy message of love and hope and happiness this evening (and all days for that matter)!

Just want to share this with you  from Cute Things Falling Asleep...if we only could all be this relaxed!

BPA + Sperm = Bad Swimmers

I've talked about BPA previously on this blog and I just found another story to reiterate that it's not good and there are studies to prove it!

The most recent issue of the Journal of Fertility and Sterility, funded by the US National Institute of Occupational Safety, cited a study that showed that exposure to our good ol' friend, BPA (Bisphenol A), can reduce the quality of men's semen.

BPA can be found in food packaging (the primary source of human exposure) and other plastics. The study was done over a five-year period and is one of the few involving humans rather than animals.

Read the full story here

The study began with 514 workers recruited from epoxy resin factories in China in 2004. Only 218 of the participants ended up submitting both urine and semen specimens for the final assessment. Researchers measured semen quality by examining factors like concentration, vitality, motility (movement), total sperm count and morphology (size and shape).


Men exposed to BPA at work and who showed detectable urine BPA had more than three times the risk of lower sperm concentration and vitality than men with no detectable urine BPA. The former group also had more than four times the risk of lower sperm count and more than twice the risk of lower sperm motility.

Throw out those plastic bottles and get one of these. You will do wonders for those little swimmers and the earth at large!

A Green Home is a Happy Home

I was walking through a store over the weekend and I saw a small child in the basket of a shopping cart. He was trying to pull himself up and in the meantime was sucking on the side of the shopping cart. Aside from the abundance of germs on that thing, what about all those chemicals?

It got me thinking about what's really in things around our homes and then I saw this in my in-box this morning from Rodale.com:

Caution: Floor May Be Toxic: The largest report of its kind finds that more than half of the flooring samples tested contained one or more hazardous chemical additives.

The largest-ever study on toxic chemicals on the home improvement products was released by Healthy Stuff on Oct. 19. The group tested for lead, bromine (brominated flame retardants), chlorine (PVC), cadmium, arsenic, tin (organotins), pththalates and mercury in commonly-used flooring and wallpaper.

PVC building materials, namely, vinyl flooring and coated wallpaper, were seven times more likely to contain hazardous additives when compared to nonplastic flooring options. Wallpaper was particularly toxic because 96 percent of samples tested contained a PVC coating.


"Children and pets are particularly vulnerable to these chemicals, since they are frequently close to the floor and therefore have high levels of exposure. In fact, many of these substances have already been restricted or banned in children's products.," the report noted.

Researchers have found heavy metals like cadmium and lead in vinyl flooring and wallpaper, along with flame retardants. These substances are linked to asthma, fertility problems, learning disability, hormone-related diseases, and cancer. Non-vinyl flooring products are half as likely to contain hazardous chemical additives. Linoleum, cork, bamboo and hardwood all tested free of lead, cadmium, mercury, and other hazardous metals.

Just something to think about when you are walking around barefoot in your home or are thinking of remodeling.

It is more than just what we are eating that is impacting our lives today. We need to think about all environmental factors - at the very least, the ones we can change in our homes.

Be Happy & Green!
xoxo

Rant of the day...

It's Friday and I've had an especially annoying week so I would like to get something off of  my chest. I was on the lovely Facebook the other day and saw this status update:

Yes, there are lots of things that people without kids will never know...but patience isn't one of them hunny! She will never know how annoying that comment is because she will always be a mother but that self righteousness just gets to me. I can understand why couples who chose not to have kids form their own groups like No Kidding!

Yes, I am just a little bitter!

I know this comment wasn't directed at me personally or the millions of other couples dealing with infertility or someone dealing with any illness or house training a dog or my nephew who is learning how to read, but comments like that always get under my skin, especially ones like "wait until you have kids." That one is a doozy and puts me over the edge when I hear it.

You know what else I can't wait for 'till i have kids? Never hearing that comment again!

So off to STFU Parents you go...not sure if it's on there yet but I have patience, even though I'm childless.

*End Rant*

A baby story...

Lately I've been hearing a lot of birth stories and since I have a lot of time to think about it and plan it, the more I am leaning towards a home birth. I am not at all  impressed with hospital births these days.

My sister-in-law just had her third baby and she delivered him at home - all safe and sound! It was such a difference seeing her that morning  - walking around and everyone was quiet and happy and the mood was just so relaxed - versus her other two births at the hospital when she was exhausted and the babies were screaming all night long. Many people believe that they way you came into this world says a lot about your personality so why not try to make it as smooth and natural as possible?

I know many people have complications and home births are often controversial but women have been doing it for years and that is what our bodies are designed for. Maybe its time we take them back!

Initially I thought I would head straight to the hospital and get my epidural and not feel a thing, like some women have said about their birth experiences. But the more I read and heard about hospital births, the more my mind was changing.

Then I watched the Business of Being Born and I was even more sold! I need to get pregnant first, of course, so for now it's just day dreaming. I know that sounds strange but that's what happens when you have a lot of time to think!

Detour

There has been another detour in the road to parenthood and its called money! In the midst of traveling these roads -  that hopefully will lead to parenthood - the recession has taken its toll on our jobs, etc. I suppose when you talk about stars needing to align and the whole "things happen for a reason" then I guess this isn't the right time for us to move forward with a baby. It pains me to even think it, no less write it down.

We postponed our meeting with the Naturopath. I am super bummed and so is my hubby but if it's a stretch in the money department just to see her and pay for subsequent visits, herbs, etc then we need to get to a better place before moving ahead cause babies aren't free :)

I know in my gut that we need to see this woman first before thinking about any other intervention - its just not in the cards right now. I want to get out of this slump and feel better on a daily basis - I am just having a hard time keeping it consistent.

Nature is on my side...

I have been stagnant for a while so I finally took a step in some direction (forward I would hope!). I made an appt for the hubby and me to see a Naturopath doctor.

Naturopathy is an alternative medical system that focuses on natural remedies and the body's vital ability to heal and maintain itself. Naturopathic philosophy favors a holistic approach and minimal use of surgery and drugs.

I had a phone consultation with Dr. Pina LoGiudice of InnerSource Natural Health. I was referred to her by a midwife who delivered my nephew.

Dr. Pina is known in this area as a fertility guru and I am excited to meet her. My hubby and I have a two-hour fertility assistance appointment with Dr. Pina in a few weeks and we will leave with a plan in hand. I will keep you all updated on how it goes and the plan she lays out for us. It will include a diet change, herbal medicine and some acupuncture.

I fell off the wagon of health and wellness that I worked so hard to get to. Part of me trying not to obsess over getting pregnant was stopping all things I was doing to try. I see this appt as a chance to get my health back on track.

And off we go...

There is no way to happiness...happiness is the way

I've been attempting to "just be" and not judge, assign or even think too much. It's a work in progress. For a while I have been content - to a point - with putting off the baby talk and just living life but somehow there is something about the change of the season that sends me right back to that yearning. But I am taking steps to move forward...

I've been listening to Wayne Dyer and his interpretation of the Tao Te Ching - the classic text of Chinese philosophy - which presents a way of life intended to restore harmony and tranquillity to a kingdom racked by disorder, which I can relate to :)



I am on the third verse:

Putting a value on status

will create contentiousness.

If you overvalue possessions,

people begin to steal.

By not displaying what is desirable, you will

cause the people’s hearts to remain undisturbed.

The sage governs

by emptying minds and hearts,

by weakening ambitions and strengthening bones.

Practice not doing. . . .

When action is pure and selfless,

everything settles into its own perfect place.

I am really working on this at the moment. The second verse discussed "just being." If an opportunity appears today to defend or explain myself I am going to choose not to and instead turn within and sense the texture of misunderstanding. I will just be with the way it is instead of transversing it...and getting caught up in the duality of being right or wrong.

The third verse, above, is about being happy in this moment...as in there is no way to happiness...happiness is the way. You, like me, might  have a long list of goals that you think will provide contentment when achieved but if you examine your state of happiness in this moment some previous ambitions didn't produce the joy you had thought.

I had a long list of goals when I moved out of state to the countryside of PA. I would be more relaxed and have my kids and raise them on a farm in the country air and I would write and be happy. But I wouldn't be happy and content until I got to that moment. Well the moment didn't materialize...and I was miserable along the way. I missed cherishing almost 2 years of being there bc I wasn't getting what I wanted, what I thought would make me happy.

We are back in NY and I am happy and I am in the moment more than before and it feels good.

Bring happiness to every encounter. Inventory your desires and turn them over to the unnameable and trust. Look for guidance.

Everyone has a calling to be inspired and its time to answer it!